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A Break
in the
Road...
in the
Road...
with
Olivia Pennington
Olivia Pennington
| photo source: Istock |
| Many of us go through things in our lives that sometimes leaves us asking the question: "Where is my God"? And no matter how many loving tokens of affection that may come our way from family and friends nothing fills the wounds from the unknown answer. Until, that "Break in the Road", that moment when you feel a softness of a wind blowing from the east as your travels take you west. I've been there. I've felt it. Then comes a voice saying, "Why travel there?" You asked, "Where is your God", I AM here. Now, come to Me. ... Be encouraged |
When I awoke from testing I saw my mother standing there
rubbing my forehead. Then the doctor came in to tell us of the
close call the journey had been. Apparently, something the size of
a grapefruit was growing within me. They couldn't see it till they
got on the inside. "We removed it", he said. "But I must say, you
are one blessed young lady. The lining surrounding the growth
protected you from getting infected."
Later that night, when all the visitors were gone I laid in my bed
and cried, no screams this time, just silent tears. I remember
clasping my hands to together and whispering, "thank you God, I
am greatful' to You for keeping me alive?"
rubbing my forehead. Then the doctor came in to tell us of the
close call the journey had been. Apparently, something the size of
a grapefruit was growing within me. They couldn't see it till they
got on the inside. "We removed it", he said. "But I must say, you
are one blessed young lady. The lining surrounding the growth
protected you from getting infected."
Later that night, when all the visitors were gone I laid in my bed
and cried, no screams this time, just silent tears. I remember
clasping my hands to together and whispering, "thank you God, I
am greatful' to You for keeping me alive?"
| Olivia currently lives, with that infamous boyfriend driver now husband, in Germany with there three boys |
All my life, I have wanted to be great. Kind of a sad statement for a
now professed Christian to say, I know. But it wasn't until now
however that I came to right understanding of what that word
great' really meant to me. It wasn't some in referential way of
announcing some hidden desire to be Great amongst my piers, or
within my family, not even to be known amongst the many. It was
in it's simplest form a way for me to call on a better me, a better
life than the one that I found myself roaming through. To be
honest, I wanted to be broken so that thing, that greatness' that I
felt on the inside of me could shine through. So that my instinct
feeling of what was on the inside could meet up with the known on
the outside. And then I could see it. I could know.
One day while in my early twenties I found myself in my
apartment sitting in a corner on the floor crying. Well, screaming is
a better description. I was screaming at God... "Why me?" "Why
would you allow this to happen to me?" "Do you hear me God,
Why are you doing this to me?" My thoughts were at a lost.
Situations, people, it all seemingly moved in and out of my mind.
Yet, so familiar was it all that my screaming and crying soon
turned to self pity. "Why can't I just make better decisions?" "God,
I'm so stupid?" It's funny, I lived like that for so long that even
now as I write this I have to shake myself from the extreme
emotions of it all. Failing and getting up only to fail again...
Then came a great moment in my life. I got sick, really sick. I
woke up in the middle of the night with a pain that words can
never rightly describe. I couldn't move. My then boyfriend awoke
in panic and rushed me to the hospital. What appeared to be blood
was coming from my mouth and I kept going in and out of
consciousness. Once at the hospital the pain continued and the
many doctors couldn't figure out what was going on. Doing all
they could for three days to keep me calm while at the same time
preforming test after test, and finding nothing. Finally the doctors
and surgeons decided to take me to surgery to see the problem
from the inside.
now professed Christian to say, I know. But it wasn't until now
however that I came to right understanding of what that word
great' really meant to me. It wasn't some in referential way of
announcing some hidden desire to be Great amongst my piers, or
within my family, not even to be known amongst the many. It was
in it's simplest form a way for me to call on a better me, a better
life than the one that I found myself roaming through. To be
honest, I wanted to be broken so that thing, that greatness' that I
felt on the inside of me could shine through. So that my instinct
feeling of what was on the inside could meet up with the known on
the outside. And then I could see it. I could know.
One day while in my early twenties I found myself in my
apartment sitting in a corner on the floor crying. Well, screaming is
a better description. I was screaming at God... "Why me?" "Why
would you allow this to happen to me?" "Do you hear me God,
Why are you doing this to me?" My thoughts were at a lost.
Situations, people, it all seemingly moved in and out of my mind.
Yet, so familiar was it all that my screaming and crying soon
turned to self pity. "Why can't I just make better decisions?" "God,
I'm so stupid?" It's funny, I lived like that for so long that even
now as I write this I have to shake myself from the extreme
emotions of it all. Failing and getting up only to fail again...
Then came a great moment in my life. I got sick, really sick. I
woke up in the middle of the night with a pain that words can
never rightly describe. I couldn't move. My then boyfriend awoke
in panic and rushed me to the hospital. What appeared to be blood
was coming from my mouth and I kept going in and out of
consciousness. Once at the hospital the pain continued and the
many doctors couldn't figure out what was going on. Doing all
they could for three days to keep me calm while at the same time
preforming test after test, and finding nothing. Finally the doctors
and surgeons decided to take me to surgery to see the problem
from the inside.
